food

Here we are at the end of the first week. No need to beat around the bush, let’s get into it.

Meow Meow drowsy Meow

Today was a lazy day. Sedentary is the word they use. I went out shopping, but aside from that minor excursion didn’t really get any exercise to speak of. Calories were high, but not as obscenely high as on Friday and Saturday.

Pretty unremarkable on the whole, and since I’ll be doing a weekly recap that includes this data, let’s just get into it.

Nutrition Facts:

Total Calories: 3668
Calories from Fat: 1232
Fat: 121.4 grams
Carbohydrates: 434.16 grams
Fiber: 30.5 grams
Protein 100 grams

Exercise Level: None!

Foods Devoured:

Chocolate Chip Waffles
Peanut M&M’s
Wheat Saltines
Pasta with Breaded Chicken Breast
Orange Juice
Vanilla Yogurt with Chocolate Chunks
Turkey Meatballs
Potatoes
Salad
Fat Tire
Vanilla Yogurt with Chocolate Chunks

Yes, there was a beer in there. But you’ll notice that it’s just one this time.

Image Attribution:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mada299/2382356390/

After yesterday’s post about the downsides of alcohol, you’d think that today would be booze free. Your assumption would be as reasonable as it is wrong.

Gummi Worms weird me out because they look like they actually COULD be a real animal.

Today included two get-togetherings. First, a charming birthday party with a hostess who really knew her way around a kitchen (and a bottle). She made some scrumptious Sangria, which I would like to believe is the equivalent of a liquid fruit salad. She also made sorbet with boozey kick. There was lemon/vodka, peach/rum, and… another one that was very tasty.

After that I visited another friend who was introducing his British house guest to foods that are not available in the U.K. This included strawberry soda and Hawaiian Punch, Air Heads with sour gel packs, and gummi worms – among others. He concocted a beverage for me consisting of the Hawaiian Punch, Gin, Sour Gel, Airborne – to activate a fizz, and an orgy of gummi worms at the bottom of the glass.

It was a maelstrom of corn syrup in both liquid and solid form, and quite delicious. The worms were a pleasant surprise, making the whole thing into a sort of Tequila by way of Willy Wonka. It was an unnatural mirror to the sangria earlier that evening. Where the sangria’s fruit had grown soft as it soaked up the alcohol, the worms hardened, developing a thick carapace. If left long enough they may have transformed into drunken candy moths. But I ate them before they had the chance.

I find this is good policy whenever you find your food evolving into a more powerful form; one that you may not be able to control.

As you might expect, this was a big day on the calorie front. Behold the damage below.

Nutrition Facts:

Total Calories: 4207.26
Calories from Fat: 876.75
Fat: 101.20 grams
Carbohydrates: 509.34 grams
Fiber: 23.78 grams
Protein: 76.06 grams

Exercise Level: Low

Walking 1 mile (moderate)

Foods Devoured:

Vanilla Yogurt with Chocolate Chunks
Chocolate Chip Waffles
Orange Juice
Snickers
Pepsi Max
Sangria
Sorbet
Chicken Foccacia Sandwich
Home Fries
Mai Tai
Mai Tai

For those keeping score, you’ll notice that the wormy drink doesn’t appear on the day’s food list. That’s because I couldn’t find nutrition facts online for such a beverage. Instead, I’m calling it a Mai Tai, which doesn’t really do it justice.

Incidentally, if you’re lucky enough to live in a state with a Friendly’s, I highly recommend the Cone Head Sundae. It is small as sundaes go, after all, it comes from the children’s menu. And like the gummi worm drink, there is a surprise at the bottom of the dish. Unless your heart is lifeless and dead, it is sure to bring you much joy. So treat yourself to pleasure! Go on, you deserve it.

Image Attribution:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/knowprose/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

To explain women to his son Bart, Homer – like Jesus – chose to relate the lesson in a parable. The sage advice went something like this:

Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look good. You’d step over your own mother just to get one. But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman.

... or Christina Aguilera? Is there a difference?

What Homer is illustrating for his young son is the lighter side of alcoholism, a condition that has brought joy to many people over the years and one that I should, perhaps, be more concerned about than I actually am.

I don’t drink a lot, but when I do I drink a lot.

I believe the term for this is binge drinking and it is pretty universally understood as a bad thing.

Granted, when I’m at home I’ll stop at two, maybe three beers. But if I’m out at a bar or visiting friends it is as it once was with Pringles. Once I pop, I can’t stop.

That actually makes it sound more dramatic than it actually is. But if I were to say, “I’m capable of stopping, I just choose not to”, there would surely be a sinister chord in a minor key underneath foreshadowing my inevitable downfall in act II of our After Shcool Special.

Anyway, it turns out that not only does drinking damage your liver, give you a strawberry nose, and make everybody else a lot hotter; it also contributes to fattitude. According to some research, alcohol makes it harder for your body to burn fat. In addition, other research shows that alcohol stimulates the appetite. So the alcohol makes you hungry, but inhibits your ability to burn fats. This isn’t a great combination for weight loss. On top of that, beer has a fair amount of carbs, and mixed drinks are often combined with sugary juices or soda. Again, not great health foods.

While moderate drinking tends to stimulate appetite, it seems that chronic drinking diminishes it. Calories from nutrients get replaced by calories from alcohol, and you end up feeling euphoric and uninterested in eating. That sounds pretty good to me! Unfortunately the side effect of the all-booze weight loss plan is death. That doesn’t sound so great.

So it would seem that healthy weight loss and drinking go together like french fries and Frosties. Oh no… that’s actually a really good combination. Um… they go together like hoboes and habidashers. That’s unkind to both, but it feels right somehow.

Nutrition Facts:

Total Calories: 4090.14
Calories from Fat: 1294.5
Fat: 144.79 grams
Carbohydrates: 438.94 grams
Fiber: 22.59 grams
Protein: 177.2 grams

Exercise Level: Low

Walking 2.4 miles (easy)

Foods Devoured:

Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte
Chocolate Chunk Cookie
Peanut Satay Noodles & Sauce
Chicken Breast
Wheat Bread
Fat Tire
Wheat Saltines
Chicken Super Burrito
Tortilla Chips
Diet Coke
Mint Chocolate Chunk in Chocolate Dipped Waffle Cone
Fat Tire
Fat Tire
Chicken Sandwich

By the way, if you follow the link above to the New York Times story from 1992 about beer guts, you’ll notice this quote:

The research is one more piece of a larger idea to emerge from recent investigation of how people get fat or stay thin: When people eat extra carbohydrates — sugar or starch — they tend to burn most of it, adding little to their girth. But the body burns extra fat sparingly and instead saves it.

In a post Atkins world this statement is heresy if not outright lunacy. It was only a few years ago we were all swearing off carbs and sugar and guzzling bacon fat and greasy egg yolks straight from the skillet. It just goes to show that when it comes to nutrition fads flare up and die down. When I was young it was all about avoiding fat and loading up on bran. Now it’s about avoid carbs like the clap.

Personally, I take this stuff with a grain of salt. Not literally! Sodium is, after all, bad for your blood pressure and causes you to retain water and become puffy.

Regardless of the weight loss science or quackery behind the New York Times story, I think that reducing alcohol to occasional moderate consumption can only be a good thing for my health overall. And if it takes a decade-old article of dubious validity to convince me to do so, then so be it.

I woke up at around 5:00 pm today, so that certainly cut the day short. As a result you’ll notice that the number of calories I swallowed is less than usual.

... is less hard on the eyes.

As long as I can remember, I’ve always felt most awake from about 2:00 pm thorough 6:00 am. Keeping a schedule that starts in the morning and winds down in the evening feels backward to me. Even on nights when I get enough rest I’m still groggy until after lunch time. I start waking up and feeling good around the time everyone is ready to go home.

At work this has had both positive and negative effects. On the plus side, I’m always ready to work through the evening and even late into the night if necessary. In fact, I prefer it. But on the flip side, it means I’m kind of useless in the morning.

Unless I have a really good reason to wake up before the afternoon, it’s really difficult for me to do so. It usually involves setting a primary alarm, a backup alarm somewhat further away, and a hidden alarm. The reason for all the alarms is because I will turn them off in my sleep and then go back to bed. The hidden alarm is set to go off slightly after the other two. The theory is that if the alarm is hidden, I’ll need to wake up enough to puzzle out its location, and if I’m awake enough to do that – I’ll stay awake.

Unfortunately in practice this doesn’t work. I’ll hit snooze indefinitely on the two accessible alarms, and just turn off the third one the first time it goes off. I don’t have any memory of doing this, but it happens regardless of where the alarm is hidden.

It takes about an hour of “snoozes” with the alarms spaced 5 – 10 minutes apart before I actually wake up in the morning. This means I’ve got to set the first alarm for about two hours before I need to actually wake up. I’ll spend an hour swatting snooze, and then spend about 45 minutes half-awake in the bathroom. Sometimes I’ll brush my teeth in the shower for a half hour or more before I realize what’s happening. This has the unintended consequence of garnering glowing praise from my dental hygienist.

So what does any of this have to do with today’s recap? Well, today I woke up at 5:00 pm and felt great! This has the curious side effect of artificially deflating today’s calorie and food count since I’m keeping track in 24 hour increments.

Nutrition Facts:

Total Calories: 1324
Calories from Fat: 518
Fat: 63.4 grams
Carbohydrates: 156 grams
Fiber: 16 grams
Protein: 72.3 grams

Exercise Level: Low

Walking 1 mile (easy)
Housework 1 hour (easy)

Foods Devoured:

Wheat Bread
Balsamic Vinegar
Water
Wheat Bread
Balsamic Vinegar
Bittersweet Chocolate
Walnuts
Chicken Breast
Salad
Vanilla Yogurt with Chocolate Chunks

The yogurt with chocolate chunks is a particular favorite of mine. I usually get Stonyfield farm or Trader Joe’s vanilla yogurt and dark chocolate – semisweet or bittersweet – and crumble it in. It’s super tasty, and not the worst snack you can eat. Though something tells me a nice helping of fruit would be a lot better. I’m also a big fan of walnuts, which go really well with the yogurt and chocolate. Again, I suppose the walnuts would be better off without the chocolate. But then it would be like eating healthy. Ew.

Today I enjoyed another celebration of the chicken tenders from the grocery store. But it also found me munching on that old standard of the dorms, ramen noodles.

It's easy to make, but not that easy

Ramen is appealing because it is very easy to make and takes hardly any time at all. It doesn’t taste great, but it doesn’t taste too bad either. When you’re in a rush or just can’t be bothered to whip up something more substantial it’s a great go-to food. And moreover, it’s cheap cheap cheap.

Coincidentally, cheap cheap cheap is the sound the baby chick made before it was pulverized into ramen seasoning.

Ramen is pretty unsubstantial. Not particularly filling. But satisfying for a little while. Since it falls under the broad definition of soup I figured it wouldn’t be too unhealthy.

Would you believe that fried noodles cooked in salt and MSG actually are not health food? Turns out that one packet of ramen – which is technically two servings – contains almost 40% of the saturated fat that you should eat in a day and almost 80% of all the sodium. That means that if you were to eat two packets of ramen in a day (which is easy to do because it isn’t very filling) you’d have had almost your entire allowance of saturated fat and well above your daily allowance of sodium.

Holy hypertension!

I rarely eat much of the broth because it’s way too salty, so I’m not sure how much of those 910 salty milligrams I get in a ramen meal. Chances are it’s still more salt than I need in a sitting.

I don’t want to slag off ramen. Like I said, it’s quick, easy, cheap, and it got me through many a night in college. But I think it’s pretty clear that in both the noodle and soup categories there are probably more healthy options out there that don’t require much more effort.

Nutrition Facts:

Total Calories: 2509
Calories from Fat: 945
Fat: 11.5 grams
Carbohydrates: 283 grams
Fiber: 20 grams
Protein: 125 grams

Exercise Level: Low

Walked 1 mile (easy)
Housekeeping 2 hours (easy)

Foods Devoured

Wheat Saltines
Ramen Noodles
Water
Vanilla Yogurt with Chocolate Chunks
Fried Chicken Tenders
Honey Mustard Sauce
Pepsi Max
Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte
Crispy Chicken Salad
Welch’s Fruit Snacks
Coke Zero

In terms of activity, I wrapped up most of the reorganization I’ve been doing in the apartment. I also saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with a big tub of Coke Zero. I rarely have to pee during a movie, even if it’s a particularly long one. Alas, this movie cast expelliarmus on my bladder so I had to shuffle off to buffalo half way through.

I’m sure this has been observed elsewhere and more keenly, but the size of movie theater drinks is insane. Of course what’s more insane is drinking the whole thing during the previews.

I love chicken fingers. Whether they’re called fingers, tenders, strips, nuggets, or fried-bird-flu, I’m all about these crisp and succulent delights. Imagine my joy to find that the grocery store down the hill sells them by the pound – fryolated to near perfection!

There are few pleasures in life that rival a fine meal with great presentation.

True chicken finger perfection is reserved for Tamarack, a small take-out place in Laconia, NH not 500 feet away from the incredible arcade, Funspot.

When I was a kid my grandfather would take me up to Lake Winnipesaukee almost every weekend in the summer. It was a long car ride, about two hours, so I would usually take a copy of Nintendo Power or EGM to read on the way up. He’d wave his long brown More brand cigarette in front of the air conditioner vents (which were always on full blast) and hum along as Bob Seager wailed on the radio.

Once at the lake we’d take the motor boat out for a spin. I’d bring my magazine with me and struggle to read about the latest Castlevania or Bubsy the Bobcat or what-have-you while the boat was rattling and bouncing over choppy wakes and I was chafing and roasting in a tight life vest that stank mildewy.

On Sunday afternoon, a few hours before it was time to head home, my grandfather would drop me off at Funspot with a 20 dollar bill, which was a small fortune for a trip to the arcade. If I had been smart and held onto some of that, I would have had a sizable wad of cash by the end of the summer. But instead I cashed it all in for tokens as soon as I got through the doors. Like a slot machine jackpot, the token dispenser would rattle and clatter as it coughed up a landslide of bronzeish clown coins into my plastic cup.

Outside Funspot the coins were worthless. But inside, I was a high roller. I could swagger up to any game cabinet like James Bond at a baccarat table safe in the knowledge that I could out-continue pretty much any kid or teenage punk in the joint. I could claim “next” on Street Fighter pretty much all afternoon if I wanted to. Or rather, I could if my grandfather wasn’t coming back in a few hours to pick me up.

In addition to all the latest games like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Mortal Kombat, Funspot also had a lower level with strange relics. A lot of them were pinball-like, or games of chance. Most were purely mechanical, driven by moving parts instead of circuit boards and code. Scores were displayed by little cards with the digits 0 – 9 printed on them that would rapidly flip and clack as the numbers changed. Despite their age, almost all of the machines were in perfect condition.

Not to mention some perspective issues with her legs

I’d usually finish the afternoon in a delirious haze having been bombarded with sights and sounds for two hours. My grandfather would pick me up and the inside of the car would still smell like air conditioner, Armor All, and cigarettes. Then we’d buzz around the corner and pick up some chicken fingers at Tamarack.

The chicken fingers came in greasy paper bag with some sweet dipping sauce. It may have been called sweet and sour, I don’t really remember. But whatever it was called, it was sweet and kind of peachy and orangey. Not sour at all. The batter was flakey and buttery and dissolved on the tongue almost immediately. The chicken itself was thick and soft; wet and salty as you bit into it. The chicken fingers left your human fingers more oily than any napkin could hope to overcome. The overall experience was something like eating warm meat candy, and it was a perfect way to end the weekend.

Since then I’ve enjoyed Chili’s and Applebee’s offerings, each for their own spin on the classic. The local grocery store here does well for itself. And, Friendly’s – bless its heart – tries, but sometimes their chicken is kind of fishy and that just breaks the spell, doesn’t it?

I can’t defend chicken fingers on the basis of their nutritional value. They are highly processed to the point where there’s really no resemblance between the “tender” nodule and a clucking scratching bird. Its a food product that started life as meat and grain and along the way became food-like construct, got deep fried, and is no doubt oozing with fat and the dreaded trans-fat.

Still, despite their obvious shortcomings as a food, every chicken finger regardless of quality, texture, or taste is a like an old friend in my mouth.

… You know what I mean.

Nutrition Facts:

Total Calories: 2612
Calories from Fat: 1104
Fat: 129.07 grams
Carbohydrates: 261.52 grams
Fiber: 9 grams
Protein: 97.99 grams

Exercise Level: Low

Walking 1 mile (easy)
Housekeeping 4 hours (easy)

Foods Devoured

Water
Fried Chicken Tenders
Honey Mustard Sauce
Chocolate Chip Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich
Pepsi Max
Water
Vanilla Yogurt with Chocolate Chunks
Chicken Mole
Salad
Guacamole
Spanish Rice
Irish Creamy Booze Drinks

Once again almost half of today’s calories came from fat. What’s more, I couldn’t really calculate just how bad the dessert drink that I mixed up was. It had splashes of lots of different alcohols, and a lot of Irish Cream. You may not be surprised to learn that alcoholic cream isn’t super healthy.

The chicken molé was quite tasty, and had it not been the capper for a day full of idulgences would have been a fine main course.

On this first of days I feasted on some real treats including a trip to the local Burger King, and polishing off a bag of Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys – a cereal without a single nautical component to link it back to its name.

So Delicious! So Healthy! Wait... oh. So Delicious!

Let me tell you a thing or two about Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys. This confection tastes just like Count Chocula, and yet does not resemble it one bit. You would be forgiven for thinking it would taste like Cocoa Puffs and Lucky Charms, since it looks just like Cocoa Puffs with some Lucky Charms marshmallows. Further obscuring the delicious truth is the term “Mateys”, which suggests some connection to Cap’n Crunch. Yet there isn’t a trace of the Cap’n to be found in the entire bag. As if that sea-faring red herring weren’t enough to confuse the issue, the bag prominently features a blue kangaroo with a badittude that looks something like the love child of Poochie and Sonic the Hedgehog. I guess the X-treme kangaroo (Cool Blue) is a mom, since there is a little joey (L’il Oaty) emerging from her womb endorsing the product. Creating life to shill for cereal and looking cool while doing it – Now that’s real girl power!

It is a good idea to launder your Mateys before eating.

Here are the raw facts of the day for your bemusement:

Nutrition Facts

Total Calories: 3152
Calories from Fat: 1448.5
Fat: 165.42g
Carbohydrates: 392.92
Fiber: 24.5
Protein: 112.69

Activity Level: Low

Walking: 1.6 miles (easy)
Housekeeping: 4 hours (easy)

Foods Devoured

Marshmallow Mateys
West Soy Plus Vanilla
BK – Tendercrisp Sandwich
BK – Fries (medium)
BK – Diet Coke (medium)
Water
Wheat Saltines
Water
Chicken Mole
Salad
Spanish Rice
Vanilla Yogurt with Chocolate Chunks
Marshmallow Mateys

Almost half the calories that I gobbled up today came from fat! I think that’s probably too much. Who can say? It’s a complete mystery.

The only real exercise today came from walking to burger king (how self-defeating!) and rearranging some furniture. You see, we’re rennovating our apartment to make it habitable for both humans and rats. This has taken more work than initially anticipated, so it looks like I’ll be shuffling stuff around sometime this week.