My Mii is doing a Carmen Miranda dance to express his youthful exuberance. Olé!

After yesterday’s EA Sports Active workout I was told that things would get more difficult now that we’re in the back half of the 30-day challenge. It appears that this was a trick meant to psyche me out, since today’s workout was basically a way of saying “just kidding”. There were some squat jumps (which still tell me I’m doing them wrong) but the bulk of the workout was baseball, tennis, dancing, and boxing, none of which are super strenuous. Also, none of the activities used the balance board. Boo! I like it better when the sports games incorporate it.

I still haven’t gotten a replacement resistance band for the one that snapped yesterday. It should be arriving from amazon tomorrow or the day after. The band that I got is described as “heavy” so hopefully it offers a bit more resistance, and holds up a little better to repeated use. Since I didn’t have a resistance band, I had to pantomime the upper body exercises again.

I wasn’t too miffed about being resistance band-less since today was a daily burn dumbell workout. I tried upping the weights from 10 lbs. to 25 lbs. for some of the exercises. That… didn’t work. So I dropped back down to 10. I may need to pick up some intermediate weights to bridge the gap. It’s not that I can’t lift the 25lb. weights, but I can’t do it with consistently good form, and I found myself jerking and contorting rather than focusing on the muscles I was supposed to target.

Dinner was chicken, quinoa, sweet potato, cauliflower, and some salad. The cauliflower wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. The sweet potato was tasty, but a little too hard. Otherwise, quite tasty.

For what it’s worth, the Wii Fit age is down. I was slightly better at standing perfectly still today than I have been in the past.

Today’s EA Sports Active workout focused on the upper body. It was during a shoulder press that tragedy struck.

Farewell enormous dental dam. We hardly knew ye.

This put a damper on the rest of the workout. I have another resistance band, but it’s got hard handles which makes it difficult to hold the Wii Remote and Nunchuk. EA Sports Active won’t recognize some of the exercises unless you’re holding the controllers in very specific directions. Also, the cable between the Nunchuk and remote kept getting caught.

I ended up finishing the workout sans resistance band, since it was too difficult to get the game to properly register a rep. Of course this turned the exercise into a laughable pantomime, so I’m sure the stats below are inaccurate.

Is anyone out there using an alternate resistance band with the game? Can you recommend one with handles that work well?

Since I didn’t weight myself, I didn’t get a Wii Fit age. Let’s just say it was 21. Here is a picture of me when I was 21.

It was a day of rest for EA Sports Active. Therefore I didn’t do any exercises. However I can provide an image of a building that sums up how I feel about jump lunges.

I did do some drinking today. Here is what I did drank.

Tonight I went to a diner. Before leaving I got into line for the restroom. While waiting for the men’s room to become available, I could hear a girl voluntarily throwing up in the lady’s room. I could tell that it was different from normal drunk sick or just plain old sick sick. It was a very specific series of retches and spits. Her friend was tapping on the door saying, “come on, let’s just go home.”

A woman ahead of me ahead of me in line asked if I’d mind if she used the men’s room. “Fair enough,” I said. I suppose she didn’t want to sit on the puke. I wouldn’t either. Though I didn’t know if what she’d be sitting on in the men’s room would be much better.

While today hasn’t been the greatest day in terms of health and fitness, I think there’s a sense of proportionality that goes hand in hand with the idea of “health”. If you’re so concerned about controlling your body that you feel the need to eject food after eating it, that’s not such a healthy thing. And if you feel so lackadaisical toward your body that you don’t care what goes into it, that’s not so great either.

I think good health is both physical and mental. It involves making good choices for your body, and also appreciating time spent relaxing and celebrating with friends. Sometimes that may not lead to the best decision from a dietary or fitness perspective, but I feel like forgoing those opportunities is ultimately impoverishing. Consistently applied, nutritional dogma may add a few years to your life, but I’m not sure it’s worth the stress and missed experiences.

The balance board in its infinite wisdom decided I would be 24 today. I am old enough to have to look after myself, but lacking the context to make good decisions. I will eat nothing but ramen and drink nothing but Kool-Aid and vodka.

EA Sports Active knows me quite well. I am a force to be reckoned with on the basketball court. I would surely be in the NBA if it weren’t for one fatal flaw. Dribbling, like tying my shoes, is one of those skills I was never able to develop. Velcro solved one of those problems. But despite my best efforts, it could do nothing for the other.

Today the trainer introduced the hold squat. This sounds filthy. In practice, it just means getting into a squat position and holding there for about a minute.

I don’t think it would have been a problem had it not been for all the jump lunging, inline skating, and basketball hopping that preceded it. My legs felt kind of burny and wobbly, and toward the end of the second hold squat I needed to use my hands to keep myself up.

One day I hope to be as mighty as this lady. She could squat all day long, and so she did.

My Wii Fit Age remains unmoving as the Sphinx, and just as inscrutable.

The eighth day of the EA Sports Active 30-Day Challenge was focused on the upper body. But I’m finding the flimsy membrane of a resistance band to be less and less convincing with each workout. It tries to offer some tension, but really, who are we trying to kid here?

I got a late start tonight, so I didn’t want to disturb the downstairs neighbors. This presented a challenge since EA Sports Active often asks me to leap through the air and remain hanging there for several seconds before crashing back to Earth. I didn’t want to skip to the workout and incur the wrath of the overly enthusiastic trainer, but I didn’t want to incur the wrath of an overly cranky neighbor either.

Fortunately I have a Dragonball Z Tapestry.

Which I folded up, thusly.

And so I was able to cheat gravity by introducing this puffy arbiter between my falling girth and the ceiling plaster below. Or so I thought. The thing kept getting tangled around my feet, sort of like the really scary Charlie Brown cartoon where Lucy is attacked by Linus’ blanket.

I intentionally went easy on the kick ups, jogging, and jumps to keep from smashing around too much. This annoyed the trainer and probably cheated me out of some precious calories. To make up for it, I did some hula hooping afterwards.

A lot of hula hooping.

Thanks balance board, but I live in San Francisco where it is neither warm nor cold. It is, at all times, a tepid grey purgatory, just the way I likes it. I’m sure I’ve got nothing to worry about.

Or do I?

Gabba gabba wha?? I’ve gained 2.2 pounds? Where could this have come from? It’s as though my body was aware that it was about to drop out of the 170’s, and decided that it would by no means allow me to feel good about that. Curse you body! Why must you convert the air I breathe into rich creamy chocolate?

The Wii Fit Age is still 29. Real creative choice, balance board.

I suppose the 2 lb. bump falls within the normal daily fluctuations. Still, I was getting used to seeing more decreases than increases, and I suppose I got a bit spoiled by it. Assuming today is a blip, things still seem to be moving in a good direction overall.

Today was a rest day on the EA Sports Active 30-day challenge. I walked a couple of miles and also completed the Daily Burn dumbell leg and abs workout.

I’m still using 10 lb. weights to ease myself into lifting heavy objects. I’m not looking to pack on muscle, just to keep it from withering away. The next step up in the dumbbells that I have is 25 lbs. each, which is more than I feel I can safely do for some of the exercises right now.

Oh hello, there’s a progress photo today.

You may be wondering why it is I wear this goofy getup instead of going full monty… or at least shirtless. The latter would probably be a lot more illustrative of any changes to my mortal shell.

Rest assured gentle reader, the shirtless versions of these photos exist. But they have not been posted for a simple reason – I find them difficult to look at right now. Assuming things work out according to plan and I end up getting closer to a shape that I’m happy with, I’ll definitely whip up before and afters with a full spectrum in the middle that reveals all. But for now, I’m going to keep the public photos a bit more demure.

No such luck with the Wii Fit Age. Today I tried something a bit different on the one-legged balance test. I tried using my left leg instead of my right. Turns out this wasn’t the best idea. I only scored in 50’s, where I usually get in the 70’s – 80’s on the right leg.

EA Sports Active was completely lunge happy today. Almost the entire program consisted of alternating side lunges with toe touches, alternating lunges, alternating reverse lunches, and balance board volleyball with lunges. My lunging abilities are going to be fantastic at the end of the 30-day challenge! I’m not sure what the practical applications are though. I guess I can lurch out of dark alleys and spook people.

Today’s workout also involved kick ups on the jogging track. Kick ups differ from running in that you try to kick your legs up high enough to strike own butt with your heels. As much fun as it is to kick your own ass , it’s also pretty tiring. I think I may have done it faster and sloppier than intended just to get through it faster.

Dinner tonight was a tasty chicken in a wine sauce with salad, quinoa, avocado, and bread. A Guinness was perhaps consumed as well. nom.

The Wii Fit Age has let me maintain the illusion that I’m still in my twenties for just a little bit longer. The ennui is terrific.

Today commemorates the thirteenth workout of the project. An auspicious anniversary! Is it full of portents and omens?

I had jury duty today. The bus stopped a little less than a mile away from the courthouse, so I walked. After spending about an hour assembling all 100+ potential jurors in the courtroom, the judge told us all to go home and come back another day. I then walked about another mile back to the bus stop. Once I got home, I remembered that I had to do some grocery shopping. So I walked about another mile to Trader Joe’s. Difficult though it was, I was able to resist buying a mouthwatering tub of chocolate dunkers.

Today’s EA Sports Active workout was pretty thigh and calf heavy. I ended up getting a pain in my right calf that felt like a bruise, but didn’t leave any visible mark. Maybe a minor strain? At any rate, stretching and resting it for a bit seemed to improve things. The overall results of the workout weren’t too shabby, though I’m still a bit dubious of the calorie count.

Following the EA Sports Active workout I did the arms and shoulders dumbell exercises from Daily Burn. I upped the weight to 10 pounds per hand, for a total of 20 pounds for most exercises. It doesn’t sound like much, but some of them were really tough. I wasn’t able to completely do the rear delt raise without dropping the weights down to five pounds. And I had to do modified close hand pushups rather than the real thing.

I was encouraged to find that I was able to do more reps with more weight than last week pretty much across the board.

I didn’t manage to record my food today. I cannot tell a lie, a pumpkin spice latte was consumed on the way back from the courthouse. Those are not especially good for you.

My Wii Fit Age is looking good, for whatever that’s worth. 22 wasn’t my favorite year, but I’m sure I had some good times.

Since it was an EA Sports Active day of rest, I chose to dig into Wii Fit Plus. I had a surprisingly fun time with the Training Plus games, and before I knew it, almost an hour had gone by. I switched over to aerobics at that point and ended up clocking in an hour and half.

The game seems to think I burned in excess of 300 calories. I’m not so sure about that. Some of the Training Plus games were really not all that intense. I’d be surprised if they were burning significantly more calories than sitting still. But the balance board has a more optimistic (and possibly delusional) point of view.

I discovered the alternate paths in Basic Run Plus, which make the experience a lot more fun. The game is as simple as can be. You hold the Wii remote and run in place to jog around Wuhu Island while a kitten guides you along a path. However at certain points a different kitten will cross paths ahead of you. At these moments, you can quicken your pace to pass your guide and join up with the other cat. The new kitten will then lead you on a different route through the island.

At the end of the jog, you are quizzed on what you saw along the way. Each kitten takes you on a different route past different landmarks. Some are pretty obvious; for example, 8-bit super mario pictures plastered on a pillar? But others are more subtle. How many puppies did you see? Who was the Mii standing on the roof? Which kitten did you finish with?

These questions force you to pay attention to your surroundings during the jog, which makes the experience a lot more engaging. What’s more, the alternate paths take you well off the trail; running along mountain sides and leaping off rooftops. This variety also keeps you more engaged, since you’re wondering what you’ll see or do next.

Overall I wouldn’t consider today’s workout to be very intense, but it was a lot of fun.

More than 10 years difference in today’s Wii Fit age. I assume this has nothing to do with the weight loss and everything to do with the fact that I did slightly better on an agility game.

The EA Sports Active workout today focused on upper body, and involved some cardio boxing with the balance board that was quite fun. There were still a lot of lunges, but not so much jumping.

While I was pleased by the reduced emphasis on leaping, I do find the strength exercises a bit lacking. The game comes with what is essentially an enormous dental dam with handles. It provides some resistance, but very little. Also, it’s difficult to be sure if you’re getting the same resistance on both your right and left arms.

I’m also increasingly frustrated by some of the game’s motion detection snafus. At the end of some reps I’m told over and over to “STAY STILL”, despite the fact that I’m totally still. The way to make it move on? Shake wildly. I don’t think that’s the intended design. The trainer will sometimes criticize your form, but there’s no way of seeing what’s wrong with it.Unlike Wii Fit, there is no visual or audio feedback to let you know where the game actually wants you to be.

In addition, the language that the game uses suggests that you aren’t trying hard enough, which is infuriating. “I want you to go a little further on that rep.” seems to be the trainer’s way of saying “I don’t know if you finished that rep or not because my motion detection sucks. So I’ll just assume you didn’t, and criticize you.” De-motivating.

After EA Sports Active I sunk 25 minutes into Wii Fit Plus. Ah, Wii Fit. A less intense workout, but a much tighter package.

I’d just like to point out that 10 of those minutes come from 10-minute Super Hula Hoop. There are few things as humbling as being nearly brought to tears by a stitch in your side induced by a colorful hula hoop simulator that features an adorable Adolf Hitler Mii cheering you on.

In case your wondering, I did not pick Adolf to be my hula hoop coach. Somehow he’s infiltrated my Mii parade, so now he (along with Grace Jones, Admiral Ackbar, Captain Kangaroo and more) shows up on Wuhu island to make sure I’m getting a good workout. I suppose there are worse things he could be doing.

Today marked a landmark in Advanced Obstacle Course. I finally completed all four levels! There’s one relatively tricky part in the middle of the fourth zone. But aside from that, the rest of it is a breeze for me now.

There was a mysterious package waiting for me when I woke up today. It was tightly sealed in bubble wrap and weighty indeed. It had come from a friend back east. Perhaps because I had been helping her with her thesis? But what secrets did it hold?

I will tell you this, the contents could be consumed in units of spiders and/or worms.

Check this thing out. Gummy spiders, gummy worms, sugar dusted jelly pumpkins, and enormous cookies as big as your face! What a terrifyingly tempting array.

A bounty to be sure, but a bittersweet delight. Nothing would have pleased me more than to suck down all of the powdered sugar, butter, corn syrup, and oodles of sugar in this feast. But now was not the time to succumb to my old ways of gobbling up every delicious thing I laid eyes upon. I both thanked and cursed my distant friend for her well-intentioned sabotage.

I must confess to eating a cookie and a worm. I tried to resist, but they ensnared me in their wicked web of succulence. I’m trying to pawn the rest of the treats off on my roommates. Hopefully they will devour it all before I hear them singing sweetly to me once more in the gloom of night.

eeeaaaaattttt ussssssss. eaaaattttt ussssss. soooo yummmmyyyyy…

The call is coming from inside the kitchen.